The non committal friend

We all have those friends/mates/pals/bros who fall into the 'non committal friend' category.  These specimens are the ones who claim that they "miss your face" (lies) having not made an effort to see you in months.  In the same vein they'll often publicly proclaim how they haven't seen you in "aaaaaages" (so many a's, so much time) like it's your fault, that somehow you're this all elusive being despite the fact that you don't have a job, haven't moved house since you were 4, pretty much never go out and haven't changed your cellphone number in five plus years.  Yeah you're really super difficult to get a hold of.

You receive sporadic txts at various times throughout the year, usually between the hours of 11pm and 2am "hey babe, wish you were here".  Are you in space?  Russia?  Time traveled back to 1920?  No?!  Well guess what, amazing I know, but I probably could have been there, so you can't be wishing that bloody hard Tinkerbell. 

The favourite move of the non-committal friend is the 'like' button on facebook.  Doesn't require too much interaction, I mean they themselves are not actually putting any time/effort into pushing more than 1 button on their computer.  Like.  I like you but not enough to say anything.  You're cool enough to warrant a 'like' but not a comment.  The most you'll get from the non-committal friend is a 'like' click and a 'lol'.  That's when shit is getting ALL kinds of serious. 

The non-committal friend loves the whole idea of facebook.  It's like a little pit of festering non-committal enabling mechanisms that one can employ at will- the 'maybe' for the party invites, the untagging of photos that show them with lesser beings, the ability to accept and decline friend requests- fulfilling their need to know exactly what is going on in everyone's lives without actually having to talk to these people. 

I like to think the non-committal friend usually has an over arching sense of self importance.  No one actually cares if you are/aren't coming.  Just click yes or no bucko- this maybe shit?  Like who are you... where we live, there's not that much going on.  I'm not going to cry, I promise.  This "we should totally catch up" crap.  Yeah- it needs to die.  You know where I live.  I manage to catch up with 90% of our other mutual friends so the fact we don't catch up isn't so worrying for me.  You pretty much offer me very little- I mean your sporadic txts, intermittent facebook interactions and passing twitter retweets are really not constituting friendship are they?

We should probably just de-friend.  I have no probs with that.  Stop telling people we're friends and you miss me HEAPS.  I don't.  Miss you, I mean.  I used to get all hopeful about these nevergonnahappen catch ups like some swoony teenager, but the longer you pursued with this whole non-committal regime, the less interested I became.  Then you just started being wanky.  Now you're plain annoying.