The non committal friend

We all have those friends/mates/pals/bros who fall into the 'non committal friend' category.  These specimens are the ones who claim that they "miss your face" (lies) having not made an effort to see you in months.  In the same vein they'll often publicly proclaim how they haven't seen you in "aaaaaages" (so many a's, so much time) like it's your fault, that somehow you're this all elusive being despite the fact that you don't have a job, haven't moved house since you were 4, pretty much never go out and haven't changed your cellphone number in five plus years.  Yeah you're really super difficult to get a hold of.

You receive sporadic txts at various times throughout the year, usually between the hours of 11pm and 2am "hey babe, wish you were here".  Are you in space?  Russia?  Time traveled back to 1920?  No?!  Well guess what, amazing I know, but I probably could have been there, so you can't be wishing that bloody hard Tinkerbell. 

The favourite move of the non-committal friend is the 'like' button on facebook.  Doesn't require too much interaction, I mean they themselves are not actually putting any time/effort into pushing more than 1 button on their computer.  Like.  I like you but not enough to say anything.  You're cool enough to warrant a 'like' but not a comment.  The most you'll get from the non-committal friend is a 'like' click and a 'lol'.  That's when shit is getting ALL kinds of serious. 

The non-committal friend loves the whole idea of facebook.  It's like a little pit of festering non-committal enabling mechanisms that one can employ at will- the 'maybe' for the party invites, the untagging of photos that show them with lesser beings, the ability to accept and decline friend requests- fulfilling their need to know exactly what is going on in everyone's lives without actually having to talk to these people. 

I like to think the non-committal friend usually has an over arching sense of self importance.  No one actually cares if you are/aren't coming.  Just click yes or no bucko- this maybe shit?  Like who are you... where we live, there's not that much going on.  I'm not going to cry, I promise.  This "we should totally catch up" crap.  Yeah- it needs to die.  You know where I live.  I manage to catch up with 90% of our other mutual friends so the fact we don't catch up isn't so worrying for me.  You pretty much offer me very little- I mean your sporadic txts, intermittent facebook interactions and passing twitter retweets are really not constituting friendship are they?

We should probably just de-friend.  I have no probs with that.  Stop telling people we're friends and you miss me HEAPS.  I don't.  Miss you, I mean.  I used to get all hopeful about these nevergonnahappen catch ups like some swoony teenager, but the longer you pursued with this whole non-committal regime, the less interested I became.  Then you just started being wanky.  Now you're plain annoying.

So i lied

I know, I know.. I didn't blog all the time that I was supposed to.  Not good form.  But in my defence I do have a full-time job and flat duties (cooking, doing dishes etc) that I must occasionally attend to.  I also went to Sydney for 4 days which was great.  Well actually it was fucking freezing but I mean it was fun not to be in Auckland for a wee while.  I managed to contain my neurotic fear of flying rather well (no screaming/crying fits AND I didn't insist on holding a strangers hand for the duration of the flight- yes, it has happened before). 

On a funny story note I was strolling about in search of a cafe recommended to me by a friend.  While my face does not usually portray any level of happiness (I've been told I look like a cross between uninterested and scathing 90% of the time) I was feeling decidedly saccharine this particular morn and believe that I was even sporting a smile of some descript!  Such happy feelings were thoroughly dashed when some member of Sydney's homeless population a.k.a "some mongol meth-crazed hobo" SPAT at me, like yes saliva projectiled from his mouth onto my arm.  It was tres yuck.  He also then hurled his water (vodka) bottle at me too.  I contemplated spitting back at him but decided that given he is homeless he probably has a lot more experience in the ways of street-fighting than I do.  I mean I can throw down a totally bangin' verbal attack when necessary but given that a) he was a man b) weighing around 120 kgs and c) sporting a suspiciously large ruck sack (I anticipate he has a baseball bat or the like within) I didn't like my chances.  I settled with some tissues and sanitiser and made sure I scrubbed that particular spot on my arm with particular vigour that evening in the shower.

I'm much relieved the Auckland homeless population seems way less crazy and violently inclined.  The local homeless people are all about the friendly hellos and singing on my strolling routes.  I'm gutted to hear the council is going to be moving them on for the RWC.  They totally add to the culture of the city which otherwise can seem devoid of any local history- just look at infamous Margaret from K Rd (RIP).  Despite my encounter, I'm definitely a long-term supporter of our colourful (non violent) and always entertaining street dwellers!

sniffles

I'm already into my second cold of winter and we're not even halfway through winter proper.  This is disastrous as far as I'm concerned.  Oscillating between being hot and feverish and freezing cold has pretty much become de rigeur, hardly ideal as I'm sure you'll agree.

I'm not one of those folk who definitively appreciates one season over another- each of them has their own pros and cons.  Spring is the only season that I truly hate- largely because it heralds the arrival of the horror that is the hay fever season (terrible for all hay fever sufferers, even worse when you're asthmatic).  One can be guaranteed that between the months of September to March they can enjoy the special happiness that hay fever brings to my life- streaming eyes, runny nose, constant sneezing.  It's great.  However spring also brings with it the sudden exposure of the once covered winter horrors.  Needlessly I will elaborate.  Hairy legs, pasty (in the more corpse-like than porcelain) skin, untoned body parts only engorged by the deliciousness of hearty winter fare. 

While the more sensible slowly ease themselves back into their skirt/short/bikini wearing ways, others are not so cautious.  Spring is also the season for the ridiculous summer dress wearers, often spotted at your local park sans any form of coverage and shamelessly flaunting their blindingly pale (and goosepimpled I might add) legs.  As you struggle to keep hold of your neighbours pet dog, sporting the always fashionable trackies and windbreaker (timeless I say) combo, some biddy is trying to hold a summer picnic in 12 degrees.  There is no sun, the spring flowers are glaringly absent and being that we live where we do, it's probably going to bucket down on her and her god awful picnic at a moments notice.

Not that I can complain too much, Spring after all does signal the end to the disease ridden season of winter... although I spend the greater part of Spring sick anyway there is a small gap in my highly allergic body between late January and early April where I actually enjoy the weather.  The sight of the flabby, white body in a bikini is actually worth it.

I promised you pictures...



Lovely/Hilarious- Henrietta Harris, http://www.scaredycat.co.nz/




That Smarts- Henrietta Harris, http://www.scaredycat.co.nz/



Eyechart #4- Alex Ebstein, http://alexebstein.tumblr.com/

I didn't plan this post particularly well.  I'm at my parents and I don't have all the file for the images I've been collecting.  This is a bit of a failure.  I have music that I think is great also so I'll include that too, yes?

Great. x

Because I said I'd post every day for 30 days

So I made this rule for myself that I should post everyday for 30 days in order to get my blogging shit together and actually successfully start blogging again.  Unsurprisingly less than a week into this promise, I was at risk of breaking it.  Smooth.

Part of my issue is that my laptop is old and very near death- typing is an effort at times and the swirling beach ball of death is a regular feature.  It won't let me save pictures which means if I'm at home I have to borrow a flatties laptop (hardly ideal as they seem surgically attached) to upload any images.  My alternatives are to blog at work (strictly not kosher) or to go to my parents and use their computer (disadvantages of this discussed previously- involves devil worship).

I don't know how people deal with blogs that are overly verbose and I feel that I am at risk of becoming a blog where people become frightened by the sheer volume of text on their screens.  I love how I say this like lots of people actually read this blog.  It is interesting though, I mean how we have come to establish a 'format' for blogging.  I remember once having a discussion or at least overhearing one on the topic of the short-attention spans of people today as a result of the way in which information has come to be transmitted to us.  The three paragraph blog post is the norm.  Tweets, facebook posts, internet news sites, tumblrs, wordpresses, blogspots all share the same succinct method of communication.  We no longer seem to have either the time or the patience to write and digest information presented in long forms.  The fact that you've read to this point, some would say is amazing.

I think I like pictures too though because they offer so much more than words.  There's something about images that draw you in... they seem to require less effort.  Always good for the inherently lazy among us.  Not to say that pictures are less 'cerebral' than words. 

Well my attention span has officially timed out.  It's also 10 pm- totally my bed time!

Things that make me go... lol

There are many things in life that I find worth a giggle or two.  There are the obvious choices- Don Brash, Sarah Palin, my parents (my Mother insists that Facebook is The Facebook and my Dad pretty much thinks the Internet is heralding the coming of Satan) and the like.  We could extend this also to those people you laugh at in your head (or not, if you're me) on the street/bus/local food court.  I find the world full of people and things deserving of a hearty chortle.

The Internet, despite being the source of all things evil (duh), is full of great things that I fill my moments of boredom with.  I've recently made a few discoveries that are truly lol-tastic.

The first is Let YiaYia Say It.  You remember granny from My Big Fat Greek Wedding.  YUS.  I know, she was brilliant, right?  Well running with this same idea of the crazy ethnic granny (note- granny craziness seems to be particularly prevalent among 'ethnic' grannies- it's like you're average euro-centric family doesn't have too many crazy geriatrics)


There's also this site- http://www.buzzfeed.com/yiayia/let-yiayia-say-it that lets you write your own YiaYia sketch.  Provides endless entertainment.  I always find old people who believe in the coming of the devil and an innate evilness in human kind to be the BEST kind.  I'm just waiting for my parents to age enough to reliably establish a constant suspicion of the evil eye and the like.  IT WILL BE GREAT.

I think the relentless mockery of the Hipster fraternity is getting somewhat passe, however this site-  http://unhappyhipsters.com/ ,perfectly captures some of the more ridiculous aspects of these aesthetically driven creatures.  The commentary is always extremely glib and witty which is exactly what I like to see (below is a screen shot taken from the site)

Other sites that provide me with endless entertainment are http://www.thoughtcatalog.com/ which is always full of the musings of the sub-28 individuals of the world and covers everything from 10 foods depressed people eat and You know your childhoods over when....  If you're bored this weekend, totally check it out.  http://www.awkwardlean.com/ is also well worth a looksie, although if you like taking pictures of yourself in nightclub mirrors you won't find it as hilarious as the rest of us.  You also run the risk of finding a picture of yourself uploaded.  Awkward.  Lean.  (Haha see what I did there... awful.  I'll stop now)

I have others too.  This post feels too long.  I'll store them up and do another post at a later date.

Things I like

http://punchedandruled.tumblr.com/ 

(care of atomicamag.com)

I really enjoy the preppy vibe of this picture.  I think it avoids being completely too twee by the look on that girls face (you know which one).  I can't quite decide what she's thinking; this food is gross, who is the creep taking the picture or fuck I hate my friends.  Either way it's great.  It's also pretty fun that the bird on the right has decided to take a kip- it's clearly because her friends are dull or the effort of taking a bite of her sammie was all too much.

Also because I think I'm borderline OCD (self diagnosed) I enjoy that the colour palette is 'together'.  Sometimes when I look at things I get slightly uncomfortable if they don't match.  Not in a grandma twinset kind of way, more that I don't like looking at things that make me think a rainbow chucked up.  Although I like art that is uber colourful.  There's something about it on people though.  Just doesn't work.

words words wonderful words

Roald Dahl and Ernest Hemingway (awesomepeoplehangingouttogether.com)

If you hadn't figured out- I love reading.  It's something about the words and the smell of books.  The feel of a solid block of paper in your hands.  The marks that distinguish a book as well loved- creased with innumerable readings and re-readings. Roald Dahl is probably the first author who I had a true obsession with and in part I guess it is because I was a huge fan of Quentin Blake illustrations. 

Now that I no longer have university I am managing to read a bit more than usual (and more books of my choosing which is pretty great, I have to say).  I have recently re-read Breakfast at Tiffany's which proved to be just as dull as I had thought the first few times I read it.  Summer Crossing is definitely more to my taste although I am yet to read Capote's seminal work In cold blood.

 I also have tried some new authors this year, pretty amazing for me because I am prone to being set in my ways.  Also I think most book covers these days are sub-par so I'm kind of repulsed when I go into bookshops more often than not.  I know you're not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but I do.  It's bad, I know.  David Vann's Caribou Island is one that made it past my ugly radar which is fortunate because I think it's a gorgeously dark read.  I enjoy writing that is slightly off-beat if not a little grim.  I think it's because it can be more difficult to be gentle and beautiful when the subject matter isn't material that immediately lends itself to such description- I value the artistry/skill that an author has to employ to successfully write in this way.   I'm not one for romances or comedy in novels, in part because I think it's difficult to do particularly well.  But mainly because, let's be honest, reading sex scenes is completely weird.  Maybe I'm just a prude...

Next on my reading list are some non fiction books, I don't quite know what genre they fall into- I discussed this with a friend just yesterday.  I guess popular philosophy (?).  The first is a book Let's talk about love that examines the whole notion of taste and what is good and bad etc.  I'm also going to give Cruel Optimism (Lauren Berlant) a read.  I'm on the lookout for some good fiction too.  I feel like I should read the Alexandria Quartet because it is the 'done thing' after all.

I watched the documentary Grey Gardens last night.  That is a whole lot of crazy. 

Oh me oh my it's so chilly

So I said I was getting back into this very slowly.  Although don't think that I anticipated my reintroduction into the blogosphere would be quite as slow as it has been.

I wish I could say it has been because I am constantly busy and overwhelmed by a spectacular life that means I simply have no time to blog.  This, however, is in no way the case.  My friend asked me at dinner last week "So what do you actually do with your life?".  There is no positive way to interpret this comment.  I am becoming a hermit.  My life mainly consists of being cold and/or bored, watching documentaries, researching penguins and cooking. 

Last week my flatmate said "Yeah your cooking's getting better.  I mean at least we'll actually eat your food".  I've never found my own cooking inedible.  I worry that I have a retarded palate.  Or, my flatmate is just a bitch- thoughts? (Personally I maintain I saw devil horns emerging from her temples.  True story)

I made a roast chicken last night and risotto and Gwynnie's caramelized Brussels sprouts (check out http://www.goop.com/ to try).  Ooo and also bread and butter pudding with white chocolate bits (a recipe I stole off my big sister)- it uses croissants instead of normal bread/brioche.  Needless to say it has pretty much zero nutritional value and large amounts of artery filling fat.  It was pretty nom.  The flatmate who previously criticised my food wasn't at home so I don't actually know for sure the state of nomness of the meal (for aforementioned reasons- retarded palate etc).

Lots has been going on recently that I guess I have opinions on- Slutwalk and Alisdair Thompson.  Lots of other people seem to be having a good deal to contribute to these debates so I guess all I will say is this-
1.  I have no desire to reclaim the word 'slut' as a term for empowerment of women
2.  Alisdair Thompson is pretty much an ill-articulated individual who probably didn't mean the things he said.  In saying that- it doesn't mean that what he said was inexcusable.

On an entirely different note, UMO's new album is great (rad?).  Really it is.  I'm a huge Mint Chicks fan so the whole vibe of this album is definitely something I appreciate.



Given the title of this post I should mention that f*ck it is cold this morning.  I had to sock AND slipper it this morning to keep my feet warm.  Thermals, hideous as they are, have been reintroduced to my life.

I'm such a rebel at work I sometimes read recipe blogs instead of writing contract documents.  I also twitter and blog as well, which, you know, strictly speaking isn't particularly good either. 

One of the things that has changed since we last spoke (as in last year, not just last week) is that I've moved out of home.  My sub-par culinary skills have had to undergo a rather rapid upgrade- for the sake of myself and also the flatties who might be forced to eat whatever mush I might be capable of producing. 

I've had some mild successes- Bran muffins and Chilli con Carne.  Corn Bread was pretty much a failure.  I don't like to talk about it.  I've also burnt two pots so far.  And set fire to a fry pan and then also a tea-towel. 

Anywhoo I've found this super cool blog about food:

http://cannelle-vanille.blogspot.com/

It has the most spectacular photos of the most scrummy of recipes so I'm hoping to attempt to recreate them this weekend.

Oh shit, I just got snapped writing this.  AH.

I best return to the toils of working life...

Getting back into it

Lots has changed.  I work full time now.  It varies between being good and more than horrifically bad.  Sometimes I want to strangle other people in my pod with my mouse.

Going to get back into it ve-ry slowly.  In part because I think I'm losing brain cells by the second.

This is a pic of Grace Coddington and Karl (Lagerfeld, duh) I found on this totes awesome blog that I have taken to frequenting:
awesomepeoplehangingouttogether.tumblr.com

check it out.

Oh, also- welcome back! (welcome back, welcome back, welcome ba-ack)